Hetalia oneshots
by Cara Winters
Summary: A bunch of hilarious oneshots of Hetalia APH. The reason it says no chars. is cuz i using everyone even chars not yet released but ones i have created my own vers. of.
1. Making breakfast

Okay so these are some little Hetalia oneshot episodes i made. They are comedic spin offs of the show that i just really wanted to write. So anyways here's the key chart. Words with * * around them are actions. :), =_=, -_-, and more are faces that are around for effect. [Name]: means someones talking. - [Name] / Scene- means change of scene or episode. I'm pretty sure that's it but if i find something else i'll update this. So start!

Hetalia- what countries make for breakfast~

China's version

China: First I make some oolong tea aru. I then grease my pan with chicken fat because I just love chicken fat aru. Then I lick it off, because of that I have to grease it again aru. I...

America: China what'chya doing? You're supposed to be making me a cheeseburger!

China: Shut up aru! I am doing my cooking segment on TV aru!

America: Wow man we're on TV?! Awesome! Smile to the camera China. *waves at random camera*

China *face palms* : Go away aru. You are ruining everything aru!

*CRASH! BANG! BOOM! LOUD NOISE! RUCKUS!*

Germany: I'm so sorry please excuse us. We are having some... *looks over at China and America fighting* technical difficulties.

- Italy's Version-

Italy: Hello! I'm-a Italy. I like to make-a pasta! I also like-a pretty girls and white-a flags and yummy food-a and Germany...

Romano: Italy what the hell are you doing?

Italy: I'm-a naming things I like-a!

Romano: Like what?

Italy *repeats list*

Romano: F-fratello...*sniffles*

Italy: What-a big brother?

Romano: Why am I not on the list? *whimper*

Italy *stares blankly* : uh...oops?

Romano: I HATE YOU-A SO MUCH! *Runs away crying*

-Latvia Version-

Latvia: Um...uh...h-h...hello...I am...Latvia. Th-the way I ...like to eat *shaking with fear* my food is *looks up*

Russia: With vodka da. *evil smile*

Latvia *cringes* =_=lll : M-m-m...Mr. R-Russia sir. Wh-what are you doing here?

Russia *places hand on Latvia's head* : Oh nothing. Just relieving my anger using those anger management techniques Estonia got me for Not so Secret Secret Santa.

Latvia *slowly shrinking* : But isn't this... one of the things Estonia ...s-said not to do?

Russia: I didn't hear anything da.

Estonia currently in France as punishment for trying to give Russia advice. France is very happy. :p

Latvia: b-but...

Russia *stretch stretch*

Latvia *quietly weeping*

Russia: well bye bye camera person. *holding his lead pipe*

Germany: Wait what? N-no no no- *Screams* *Screen goes fuzzy and technical difficulty sign pops up*

-Albania Version-

Albania: Well first I fry the hands, then the knuckles and the feet. I also remove the rest of the blood and mix it with my coffee.

Switzerland: Albania who are you talking too? And why are there dead bodies with no hands or feet piled in the corner of the kitchen?

Albania: You don't need to know that. *waves him off* And why are you in my house anyways?

Switzerland: I don't know. I have to go now. *starts walking towards the door*

Albania *deadly smile* : No you don't. *drags Switzerland away*

Switzerland: Hey it's dark down here. I can't see a thing.

Albania: Just how I like it. Now sit still, this won't hurt a bit.

*Screams, chainsaw noises and blood spurting.*


	2. Interviews

Episode 2 of my Hetalia oneshots! oh and no copy right intended for APH.

Hetalia Interviews

Me: Hello. You're representing the country America right?

America: Please call me Alfred, or THE HERO because I'm the HERO MAN!

Me: -_- okay so on with the questions. So you're with the Allies correct?

America: All the way homie.

Me: -_-...Not your bro Alfred. Anyway what's your take on your teammates?

America *thinking* =_=lll : Let's see...First there's Arthur, he's a stupid Englishman who's always bossing me around. Then there's Francis who's always going on about fashion, women and wine. Oh and there's Wang. He's cool, I boss him around and he makes me food. Aww man now I'm craving a burger. Next there's Ivan...no words to describe him man...=_=lllllllllllllllllllll no words...

Me: ? Next question then... What are some of your favorite things?

America: Well my favorite food is the Big Mac at McDonalds although their Happy meals are a close second. Favorite drink coca cola large (movie theater style). Favorite video game Call of duty Black Ops 2. Just don't play it at night man the zombies really freak me out. SHUT UP TONY I DON'T CARE IF YOU JUST CALLED ME A WIMP! Favorite color red, white and blue.

Me: That's three colors.

America *suddenly jumps up in a superman costume* : I"M THE HERO!

Me: NEXT INTERVIEW! *yells at my camera man aka Neil Pattrick Harris cuz i just love me some how i met ur mother*

-Russia-

Me: So this is the infamous Ivan Briganski?

Russia *evil smile* : Da

Me: -_- um So do you have any hobbies?

Russia: Latvia squishing, Latvia stretching, stalking China, cleaning the blood stains off my lead pipe, "playing" with China's panda... **:**}

Me: O_O...=_=llllllllllll... *thinking as Alfred described no words*

Russia *stands* : bye bye *pulls out lead pipe*

Me: WTF! GERMANY!

Germany/body guard drags Russia out and throws him back to Russia. Actually more like Ukraine since his aim was a little off but hey he can find his way back.

-Japan-

Me: hey look some cranberry vodka *picks up full bottle left by Russia*

Japan *walks in and finds Interviewer chugging a bottle of vodka*

Japan: uh Ms. Interviewer?

Me: huh wha-! oh yeah sure let's get this over with. *drunk* So you're Korea?

Japan: Japan

Me: Vietnam?

Japan: Japan

Me: Taiwan?

Japan: I am Japan. I like gazing at the moon and refrain from speaking.

Me: China?

Japan: -_-

Me *chugs the other half of the bottle*

Japan *whispers* : unprofessional

Me: Hey are you a chick?

Japan: E-excuse me?

Me: Are. You. A. Chick?

Japan: N-no I'm very much male.

Me: I'm a C.

Japan: WHAT?! *nose bleed*

Me *sits on Japan's lap sipping on empty vodka bottle*

Japan : c-can't resist... *puts cat ears on Interviewer*

Me: Wth...wow I'm part cat meow.

Japan: i-i have t-to c-call O/O America...ANIME RULES

*Runs out of room blood pouring from his nose and dumps Interviewer on floor*

Me: oww meow

-End of Interviews-


	3. Training with Italy

So this is a little longer than the other oneshots it's still a onshot but closer to a mini story. So yeah there's also some hints on Spamano, Germany x Italy. Sorry Japan, China and Taiwan ain't in this one.

Interacting with Countries

-Scene 1-

Spain: Roma you need to go out and interact with other countries. You can't stay in your room forever.

Romano: Yes I can and it's bad enough I'm interacting with you.

Spain: Meanie. What happened to the good old days where you liked cosplay, boys and tomatoes.

Romano: I only wore the dress cuz you forced me, I'm a guy who likes chicks, and I like tomatoes just more so in my wine.

Spain: *cries like girl* Just now you're telling me this!. *runs away*

Romano *face palm*

-Scene 2-

Japan: Why are you doing this Italy-san?! I don't berieve you are dressing me up rike a girl scout and making me sell cookies to random countries.

Italy: You'll be-a fine Japan. Plus you look-a so cute~.

Japan: No, I disapprove of this. Please don't make me do this!

Germany: I know it was stupid of me to put Italy in charge of training for a day. =_= *looks down at his pink tutu*

-Scene 3-

Romano: You know what Spain? You're a stupid little whiny ass pansy with a bad sense for food.

RANDOM VOICE WHICH IS ACTUALLY FRANCE'S: I think this is going to get ugly, Oh Angleterre I don't think you should be watching this.

ANOTHER RANDOM VOICE THAT IS ENGLAND: I CAN WATCH WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL I WANT!

Spain: You can't just go slinging words like that Roma. *puppy eyes fake crying*

Romano: I can too and this conversation is over. *stomps away*

Spain *thinking to himself heh heh heh funny polar bear...oh yeah i should come up with some random idea to get back at Romano*

-Scene 4-

Italy: Hey look Japan! There's a tall, dark, scary, gloomy, creepy, looking house. It must be big brother's! Let's go there first!

Japan: Why the fuck would you send us there?!

Italy *gives Germany an evil look*

Germany =_=: So sorry Japan. Italy's threaten to hold out on sex if I don't do this. *Picks up Japan and carries him to the house*

Italy: ooo look-a pretty doorbell *presses it*

Doorbell: Romano: Hello stupid bastards cluttering my door steps. GET OFF! Spain: Don't be so rude Roma. Whoever you are come right in!

Germany: Wow that doorbell has a mouth.

Japan: j-just get this over with.

-Scene 5-

Spain: See you look just fine, adorable even.

Romano: I'm going to kill you if I ever find out how to get this off. *glaring at Spain. Wearing a lacy pink frilled lolita styled maid outfit and matching heels*

Spain: You look so cute, so girly, so..._refreshing. _

Romano: you stole that from Ouran High school Host Club.

Spain: Okay so what your just so cute I could eat three bowls of rice!

Romano: You stole that too, plus you don't even like rice.

*door bell rings again*

Spain: I'll get it come on Roma.

Romano: I'm not moving.

Spain: I'll never tell you how to take that off.

Romano: You wouldn't dare. *panic stricken*

Spain: oh I would. *smiles mischievously*

Romano: erk fine only for my pride's sake

-Scene 6-

Japan *sighs* : When are they coming?

Germany: I just hope they don't recognize us

*Door opens revealing Spain*

Spain: Hola! Hey Italy, Germany, Japan!

Germany: spoke to soon

Japan glares at Italy: why me

Italy: It's alright Japan maybe you'll meet a pretty girl. Big brother Spain always has pretty girls over.

Spain: Do not!

Japan: No, women scare me as much as my Mother.

Spain: hold on it seems i'm missing someone. OH ROMANO!

Romano: SHUT THE HELL UP YOU TOMATO EATING BASTARD!

Spain: Aww don't be so mean you look adorable in your dress.

Romano: I SAID SHUT UP!

Italy *whispers to Germany* : Fratello has issues with Spain

Germany: Ja

Italy: Fretello don't be-a shy!

Romano: Don't take his side Italy! *walks out finally red faced*

Italy: Fratello you look a so-

Romano: Don't you dare say it. *Death glare*

Spain: aww Roma's so cute

Romano grabs Spain and starts beating him up

Germany and Italy O_O...?

Japan: YES FREEDOM!

*Runs out door before Italy and Germany can catch him*

And that is how it came to be Italy never leads training meets.


End file.
